Good Day Everyone!
Even as I start to write this, I struggle
with finding the words I want to use to convey the impact of the experiences. In the first blog, I stated that I found my
way back to God. We are all human and we
all struggle with certain personality quirks (DNA) that make it tough to
overcome even some of the smallest of life obstacles. As I write this I am praying to God to lead
my typing fingers, my heart, and my thoughts to express words that can impact
others.
I wistfully watched Brady Bunch while growing
up. The kids all talked together and mom
and dad were loving towards them. What a
concept! My parents were alcoholics and
the best kid was the one that wasn’t around.
Mom died at the age of 52 from cirrhosis
of the liver. At the time she went to
the doctor and diagnosed, she had a choice: stop drinking and live, continue to
drink and die. She chose death.
My first husband was an alcoholic. Yes it is true that what we grow up with, we
become comfortable with and seek the familiarity of. My second husband wasn’t an alcoholic when I
first met him but ten years later he was.
I felt a failure. Why wasn’t I
able to help him (them)? Through God I
realized that if people can’t be strong for themselves, you can’t be strong for
them. Your own strength can actually
make it worse. I was close to following
in my first and second husband’s alcoholic path. Who wouldn’t like to drown out the life
questions and feelings of inadequacy? It
is certainly easier than seeking, learning, and the pain of evolvement. My
life road has been quite rocky and full of curves. I am grateful for every rock and curve today
but as I was going through the crap, I wasn’t.
The toughest time so far is getting through the imagery of my husband
committing suicide before my very eyes.
God has helped tremendously with that – I pray every time the image pops
up: God is within me, God is guiding me,
God is helping me.
That’s all for now.
Take care and keep it R.E.A.L!
